Emotions - The Great Blessing

Emotions - The Great Blessing

(Excerpt from the Book - Emotional Intelligence; Reflecting on the Prophet’s Way)

Edited by Fatuma Hirsi

Let us step back and get a deeper understanding of emotions and Emotional Intelligence. Emotions are feelings that we experience, and they are created by Allah. Allah says, “Indeed Allah is the One Who makes you laugh and cry” (Qur’an 53:43). So we don’t have control over the emotions that we feel, but we have the ability to regulate and choose how we react to those emotions: either to let it grow, intensify, take control of us and do something we regret, or to pause, control and choose the appropriate response.

Imagine, for a second, that we had no emotions! How would life be? No happiness, sadness, no excitement or surprise, no fear or anticipation, no love or hate. Life would be paler than black and white, wouldn’t it?

Psychiatrists have observed many cases where highly successful professionals become emotionally handicapped after an accident that damages their front brain. Let us explore this through the following story.

Elliot was a successful business man and had a pleasant family life. He was a good role model to his friends and colleagues. All that changed when a recurring headache led to Elliot undergoing an operation to remove a brain tumour. Following the operation, his life took a dramatic turn for the worse. He lost his job due to a series of bad decisions as well as declining performance. As a result, his personal and financial situation deteriorated; he got divorced, remarried and divorced his second wife as well. He was declined government benefits as the standard tests did not prove that his brain was malfunctioning. In standard IQ and intelligence tests, he actually scored pretty high.

In this desperate state hoping to unlock the secret behind his miseries, he came to a famous nueoro-surgeon, Antonio Damasio. Antonio conducted the MRI scans and did not notice any abnormal brain functions. He told him to come for a follow-up appointment the following week and asked him what time would work best for him. Elliot stared at him and gave all the pros and cons of the free slots the doctor had in his schedule the next week. He could not decide what time was best for him. SubhanAllah! The doctor guessed what the problem was and further analysis led to the conclusion that the part of the brain responsible for emotions had been damaged and Elliot was no longer able to make simple decisions such as choosing the best time, or what color clothes to wear. This is because although his analytical skills were intact, there were no emotions to push him towards an option.[1]

Allahu Akbar! What a great blessing emotions are! How many times have we thanked Allah for this blessing of emotions? Life would be colorless without them. We would be like machines or robots, doing tasks and not experiencing any feelings. We would not be able to make decisions or have free will. This is indeed a great blessing, alhamdulillah! Allah says, “And when your Lord informed that who is thankful, I will increase him (in rizq/provision) and the one who is ungrateful, indeed My punishment is strong.” [14: 7]

There are numerous emotions that Allah ﷻ has blessed us with. There are primary emotions and secondary emotions. These emotions color our lives and give meaning to the various experiences and memories that we have. For instance, you are at work and your supervisor yells at you horribly for a small mistake. You feel the anger rising, but you restrain yourself as you don’t want to lose your job. Every time you remember the incident you feel angry and you feel that you hate your boss and you hate your job. So, your emotions color and shape the memories of your job and your boss.

Let us look at a more memorable experiences. Say you go to a beautiful lush green mountain, such as Kashmir or the Alps for a vacation with your family. As you trek through the mountains, you feel awe at the beauty of Allah’s creation and feel a sense of tranquillity engulf you. Whenever you remember this trip, you feel calmness and a smile spreads across your face. This peaceful, happy memory is also shaped by your emotions.

We have many roles in life, such as a parent, employee, spouse, son/daughter, leader, neighbour, etc. The most important relationship is the one that we have with our Lord, as ‘Abd Allah or slave of Allah. This relationship is shaped by three primary emotions - Love, Fear & Hope.

A healthy relationship exists when we balance these three emotions, and we fall into deviation when we focus too much on only one. The one who has too much fear of punishment in the akhirah (hereafter) and doesn’t have much hope in Allah’s forgiveness would lose hope and might eventually stop worshipping Allah (we seek refuge in Allah from that). And the one who has too much hope in Allah’s forgiveness, has no fear in Allah’s punishment, and is very confident that Allah will forgive him might take things too easy and slip into the traps of shaytan, commit a lot of sins, and dismiss the consequences thinking that Allah is All-forgiving. So, the right attitude is balance as Ibn al-Qayyim said, “our relationship with Allah is like a bird, with love of Allah being the body, and hope and fear being the two wings.” If either hope or fear is lopsided, the bird won’t fly; so proper balance is needed to soar the heights of emaan. May we never love too much, overcome our fear and never lose hope.

[1] (Damasio, 1994) via https://www.thecut.com/2016/06/how-only-using-logic-destroyed-a-man.html